If Vista were a car:
a. The font size on the speedometer would change spontaneously to anything
from a 2 pt font to a 108 point font. In most cases the result is unreadable. To
fix the problem the car would have to be stopped and restarted.
b. Vista would not work in older communities. You could drive up to
Levittown, but not into it.
c. Blowing the horn would make no sound. However, sometime later, the
horn would blow.
d. After 168 miles of continuous driving, the car must be stopped and
restarted. Not doing that allows the steering wheel to act on its
own.
e. At random intervals the car will refuse to operate at all and require
a telephone call to to original dealer to reactivate it. If a new
receptionist has been hired at the dealership, some escalation up the
management chain might be necessary to reactivate the car.
f. When purchased, the dealer and car manufacturer promise extras, but
after two years the only extras are four different stuffed animals that
hang from the rear-view mirror and language modfications so you can
read your speedometer in 90 different languages.
g. Occasionally, the car will stop completely irrespective of how fast
it is going. For that reason, it is strongly advised to always wear
seat belts.
h. Different people sitting in a VISTA automobile react differently.
Some are so uncomfortable they cannot stay in the car and must exit,
even before it is started. It cannot be predicted before hand who
might react is such a manner.
j. When you get into the car, and try to start it, you have to also push
the "I AM SURE!!" button. If you don't, nothing happens. You do that for
starting the car, shifting to reverse, shifting back to forward,
shifting to second and third and forth gears [even though it is an
automatic transmission, I still have to approve of the gear shifing].
I also must approve all left turns. The car gets into the middle of
the intersection before requiring the approval. Pre-approval is not an
option.
k. Sometimes, when I want to turn right, the car keeps going straight.
In that case, I have to go around the block and attempt the right turn
again. In most cases two or three attempts produce success.
l. Spontaneously, a VISTA fender will exhibit a dent. It will just
appear. Putting the car in a garage and up on blocks will fix the
problem. No bodywork is necessary.
m. Occasionally, when I step on the gas, the car will brake. The owner
will be trained to stop the car and start it again the first time
this happens. It is a particularly dangerous feature and drivers
must pay attention.
n. At random moments the car will stop and require you to wait 20
minutes while it completes it's system update. This too is dangerous
and drivers are warned to be careful.
o. When the glovebox hinge breaks, the audio response system suggests to
the owner that he should not be so rough on it and that he can buy a
new hinge at www.microsoft.com/vista/hinges. When the passenger side
door will not open, the voice response unit again suggests the user
not push so hard on the door or that the user did something to the
door. In all cases of automobile errors, the voice response unit is
programmed to suggest how the user can change his or her behavior to
avoid the problem. Almost always the suggestions are useless.
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