sphbecker, what model and firmware revision is your router?
Is it an original BEFSR41? If so, there's a beta firmware (v.145.002) that should fix your problem. Also, make sure that the UPnP mode is actually enabled in the router settings (On the password page -- I don't remember if it's enabled by default).
Though this and the models at that time that received UPnP through firmware updates did have a seemingly incomplete/buggy implementation (more or less depending on the firmware version), but I've had filesharing, etc, working with that model in particular. My main router now is an MS model, which has a more robust implementation. I believe current D-Link models are also pretty good, but I haven't had personal experience with them.
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